smelltheashes | The Reception

The Reception

In the depths of the bunker beneath the Greenbrier Resort Hotel is a massive, columned room, intended to be used to hold sessions of Congress in the event of a nuclear war.

Today, it's being put to a very different and much less somber purpose.

The wedding is over; the party has begun.

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The far end of the room has a cleared space for dancing in front of a stage with a sound rig on it, playing a motley assortment of music from whatever media could be salvaged from Rowlesburg and the Greenbrier. There's even--God help us--a karaoke machine.

At some point during the proceedings, when everyone's sitting and relaxing, there's a godawful SCREEE of feedback from the sound system that disappears as quickly as it came.

Except when it does, the sound rig is silent. And Voodoo's on stage, mic in hand, shiteating grin on face.

He's been conspicuously absent for the past half-hour. That's because he's been busy using his years of hard-fought commando training and experience...

"Attention people of Rowlesburg."

...to recon the area and determine exactly how best...

"This is the voice of your new lord and master."

...to make a total ass out of himself.

"One of you guys flip me a beer."

There's a tall fella somewhere in his forties with a vague resemblance to Adrian who cups both hands around his mouth and calls out, "Gimme a reason!"

Oh, Dan. That was a mistake.

"I'll name my daughter after you if you do, sir. How's that for a reason?"

Edited 2012-05-10 22:31 (UTC)

"Catch."

Hey, there's worse names than Danielle.

Voodoo does.

"Excellent. What's your name, sir?" he asks as he opens it one-handed (you Learn Things being in the Navy for a decade).

"Daniel Shephard. Ado's baby brother, technically."

Voodoo's eyebrows go up. "Really? Well now, Mr. Shephard," he says, taking a swig from the can and setting it down on one of the woofers, "I'll name her Dan and tell her I was drunk, how's that sound to you?"

"Sounds like a plan to me."

"Excellent, excellent. Now. Who here's heard of Journey?"

The bride, meanwhile, is quietly facepalming.

"...no beer, huh? I can work with that. I can work with that."

"Now, as you might've heard - two very lucky people, people near and dear to each of our hearts, people whose names we won't ever forget, tied the knot today on these premises. Such a special occasion calls for a very special kind of celebration. So as these two start their journey together on this crazy, crazy adventure we call life, I'd like to give them a proper send-off."

"This goes out to..."

He stops, takes on an expression of mock puzzlement, even scratches his head for a moment before digging into his pockets and taking out a three-by-five card and squinting to read the nonexistent writing.

"Al...Ally...Alexander Vance and Gur...Gor...Gordina Frohman?"

He looks up.

"Did I pronounce that right?"

Oh, hey.

Bet you didn't expect Gordon to make that particular gesture, huh?

Voodoo's going to pretend he didn't see that. He didn't, really.

And, with a carefully timed gesture to the speakers, the sound system comes back to life, this time playing a certain piano chord.

"Anyway. Alyx, Gordon, wherever you are, this one goes out to you guys."

Then, to the audience as a whole:

"Sing along if you know the words."

And here comes Mr. Perry, with Voodoo singing along:

Just a small town girl
Livin' in a lonely world...

...

wut.

"Someone go get Axel," Gordon murmurs. "I think I need to borrow a slingshot."

She took the midnight train going a-ny-where...

Just a city boy
Born and raised in South Detroit
He took the midnight train going a-ny-where...

Guitar solo!

A singer in a smokey room
The smell of wine and cheap perfume
For a smile they can share the night
It goes on and on and on and ooon...

Here comes the chorus!

Re: Music

smelltheashes - 2012-05-10 23:54 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Music

boston_bruiser - 2012-05-11 00:11 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Music

vance_prime - 2012-05-11 00:48 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Music

acts_of_gord - 2012-05-11 00:57 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Music

boston_bruiser - 2012-05-11 01:04 (UTC) - Expand

A slightly frazzled-looking Jim wanders onto the stage. Given his posture and gait, you'd be forgiven for thinking he got up there by accident.

Jim looks around for a moment before walking up to the microphone. He taps the mic a few times and clears his throat.

"Hello," he says, very slowly and flatly. "I've had a very nice time this...evening? Yeah, we'll go with that.

"Anyway, many...many congratulations to...the happy couple tonight. I thought I might like to do a little number. A classic, written by the legendary...I forget. But he's legendary. Anyway, sing along when we get to the chorus. If you know it."

A cane is tossed on to the stage by an unseen participant as the music starts. Jim's posture straightens instantly as he catches it and begins...dancing.

Nooooow, if you're blue
And you don't know where to go to
Why don't you go where fashion sits...
Puttin' on the Ritz!

Different types who wear a daycoat
Pants with stripes and cutaway coat
Perfect fits...

He points his cane with a flourish at the guest presently nearest the stage in the expectation that they'll finish the next line.

"Putting on the Ritz," responds the Vortigaunt solemnly.

Because it can.

Jim pirouettes back around and continues. His footwork grows more elaborate for this segment.

Dressed up like a million dollar trooper
Trying hard to look like Gary Cooper

"But hey, Gene Wilder'll do."

Come, let's mix where Rockefellers
Walk with sticks or "umberellas"
In their mitts...

He extends his cane again, bowing a little this time.

Mwoop booprr BWEEP!

With that Jim launches into an impressive solo routine that lasts for the next eight bars before bringing it in for the home stretch.

Tips his hat just like an English chappie
To a lady with a wealthy pappy
Very snappy

You'll declare it's simply topping
To be there and hear them swapping
Smart tidbits...

Jim throws the end of the verse to the final audience member...

Well, they've all twigged to it by now. So, Jim?

You just got pretty much the entire crowd going "PUTTING ON THE RITZ!!" at once.

Except, possibly, for Alyx, who is shaking with silent laughter.

"Thank you!"

The music re-starts, kicking into half time to bring the number home. Jim begins high-stepping in time with the beat.

It all looks very impressive until he goes one step too far and tumbles down the stairs as the last note plays.